What does it mean to truly embrace your Self?

A journey to really giving myself what I need

This week the signs were very clear. I needed to embrace myself a little more. So I want to take you with me on a little journey to getting to know myself better. As I pointed out in my first post I am on this journey to embrace myself a little bit more, every step of the way. That is not always an easy task, but I am getting better at it. So in this post I wanted to talk to you about what I feel at this moment that it is to truly embrace my Self.

No more fighting

I have a tendency to fight the things I don’t like in my life. When I feel off (and I have been feeling off a lot in my life), I want it to go away. I just don’t want it to be there and I fight the feeling. Every feeling that comes with it, depression, sadness, despair, unworthiness, self-doubt and so on, I fight it. This is the opposite of embracing yourself. Because fighting always gives you more of the same thing. Because what you send out, will reflect to you.  

Fighting is not enjoyable

It is painful and distressing, and it is getting me nowhere. Still after all these years of learning to be less violent with myself, I’m still fighting at days. On Monday I had a very bad day. I literally wanted to jump of a bridge and disappear from the world. I hadn’t had this feeling for a very long time. I thought it was because of the fact that I started with taking hormones because of my endometriosis, but I don’t know if that is the case.

You are not going to jump

When I was talking to my friends that day, they were a little worried that I might jump, but one of them was very clear. She thought I just had to let some parts of me die. Because the energy right now is about letting go, about let things die in your life to make space for new things. And yes, all the signs were there. Not only my friend told me about this energy we are in, I came across a couple of video’s on YouTube that explained the same energy.

Acceptance is key

On Tuesday I did a podcast interview I did with Arnaud Saint Paul and we discussed the same idea. It is all about accepting everything, not putting labels to what you feel, but just acknowledging that it is there. And be kind. Give yourself what you need. The ‘problem’ is that in my moments of depression, I really don’t know what I can give myself lovingly, I just want to fight the feeling. And when I’m fighting I seem to forget what I need or want. I am not able to feel anything. I am just angry and want to shut out the world. Which isn’t really helpful.

The universe has your back

On Wednesday I was tired, but I had to work. Even though I really needed some time to relax from all that was moving through me. Luckily my work appointment was cancelled and I took this present to take the whole afternoon off. I decided to give myself a hot shower and a body massage with essential oils. After a healthy lunch I did yoga nidra and tried to sleep a little. I had one thing that I really wanted to do, I wanted to go to the movies.

Guilty pleasures can be healing too

I was still tired, but I knew I had to go. So I pushed myself a little and went into the city and bought my ticket for Downton Abbey, A new era. I thought I was just going to enjoy the movie, but so much more happened in these hours I was watching. I got so many insights about my life, what I really need and why I am always trying to ignore my true Self. I still make myself small and think that I don’t deserve to live the life I see in my dreams. But that’s not true. Like Arnaud Saint Paul reminded me, I am a magnificent human being (just like you 😉) and therefore I am allowed to give myself everything I want. And maybe it’s not coming like I see it now, but when I take baby steps, I’ll get there.